Masculinity: Anthony Bourdain

Anthony Bourdain, a time-aged bad-boy with a devil-may-care attitude and a healthy bite of sarcasm, eats his way around the world.

20121214: ink, practice, weather, university, caterpillar, waiter

A Bleeding Sestina in Blue

I sit in a cafe chair doodling on a paper napkin in blue ink. It is warm, and it is sunny, and I could use some practice being well-adjusted and happy about life, about good weather. I'm at the French bistro near the university, feeling like the notoriously hungry, hungry caterpillar, impatiently waiting for the cafe waiter.

Here he comes, the much awaited waiter.

20121213: elastic, parent, stand, curl

I won't ever doubt my role as a parent to my daughter, a spouse to my wife, or a friend to my mate. But whenever I brush the golden, elastic curls on my little girl's head, suspiciously like those on my best mate's, I can't stand the creeping thought that my friend's best mate, my wife's lover, and my daughter's father might not be me.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

i dream in technicolor

I ride in the backseat of a vintage car with creme leather interior and an exterior painted in the most retro powder blue imaginable. It's a blue so dated that it feels like we could just disappear into the spotless sky on the horizon as we drive down this stretch of long flat desert road. With the windows open, the dry air whips my long black hair as we tear through the rising heat of the pavement.

We pull into the parking lot of a brick motel. The red "MOTEL" sign juts up into the sky like a beacon.

20121130: strategy, sieve

Had I had a strategy I would've poisoned you slowly, built up your tolerance, gotten you hooked. I should have refined my feelings, sifted them with the sugar through the sieve and given you a little bit everyday in your morning coffee, but instead I laid it all in front of you, unrestrained, raw, and burning. Had I had a strategy I would've never known that you were already hopelessly addicted.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

a shitty emo poem

alone.

shadowed
heart,
i
tear
through
you.

every
memory
overflows,

pulses
out,
eradicates
me.

20121128: laugh, cocktail

I know it the moment you laugh, covering your braced teeth with your milky cocktail, our relationship will be like them: a late start and achingly painful but potentially perfect.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

Things I Like

1. Lists.
2. Plans and planning.
3. Symbols, metaphors, allusions.
4. Stories.
5. Acquiring items with previous lives.
6. Blank paper.
7. Empty parking lots and open fields.
8. Fog.
9. Thunderstorms.
10. Dappled summer shade.
11. Driving with the windows open on summer nights.
12. Clear star-filled autumn night skies.
13. Hand-knit sweaters and scarves.
14. People watching and silent crowds.
15. Dancing in front of the mirror.
16. Coordinating outfits.
17. Blush and lipstain.
18. Caffeine affected heartbeats.
19. Sleep, dreams, and dreaming.
20. Watching people cook.
21. De-shedding fur and plucking hairs.
22. Dictionaries and thesauruses.

20121002: trellis, porridge, map

She sits at the table eating her breakfast of porridge and thumbing through a travel guide to France. She traces the Seine with her forefinger on the map inside.

From the kitchen window she can see the unkempt trellis rose. Thin and spidery, it looks nothing like what she imagined it would when she had planted it.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

Book Cover Scavenger Hunt

Find a book with the listed item on the cover and read it!

Rules:

1. The physical copy of the book being read must have the image on the cover. 
2. Must be a book you have not read before.
3. A book cannot fill more than one category.
4. Book must be approved by the other participants of this game.
5. A book cannot be read by another participate, regardless of whether it is to fill another category.

< the list >

Category - Title, Author (Date Completed)

18. 20120820: umbrella, error, herb, ketchup, traffic lights, warship, slide

I stand on the corner for the lights to turn
from green to yellow to red
to stop the traffic so I can cross.

I take care as not to hold the umbrella in error
to prevent rain sliding onto my hot, brown paper package.

But a car plows though the rushing gutter flood
like a warship cuts through the ocean.

I imagine no herbs, or spices, or fancy reductions fits fries quite like ketchup,
well, aside from salt. But this water isn't even salty.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

17. 20120817: nursery, voting, soldier, train, code

Following code and voting to rescue the wooden soldier from the sticky maw of their Brobdingnagian tyrant, the nursery toys devised a clever distraction of Cheerios delivered by choo-choo train.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

16. 20120816: gears

These gears that grind inside my head
keep me from slumber, restful peace,
and bring fears to mind as I lie in bed.

Their sinister and dexterous turns shred
my brain, which bleeds blood red to grease
these gears that grind inside my head.

And when exhaustion claims me instead
they spin dreams with nightmarish caprice
and bring fears to mind as I cry in bed.

But no gross amount of tears I shed
saves me from - gives no sweet release -
these gears that grind inside my head.

"Will they stop once I'm dead?"
I wonder as their speeds increase
and bring fears to mind as I lie in bed.

So I slice from ear to ear and dread
to find that they will not cease,
these gears that grind inside my head,
and bring fears to mind as I die in bed.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

My Sweet

Your tight-lipped smile hides them,
Chiclets embedded in pink bubblegum.
Laugh. Show me your glistening coral gem.

I can't let a thin line keep me from
my tender sweetness underneath:
Chiclets embedded in pink bubblegum.

For you I crack a joke and show my teeth.
Your brilliant-cut diamond eyes graze
my tender sweetness underneath.

To you I entreat, as my star-studded gaze
bites into your lush cherry lips.
Your brilliant-cut diamond eyes graze.

But nary a word of reply, slips
on jewel, past candy gums with haste;
bites into your lush cherry lips.

So you entice me to steal a taste
with tongue pressed, to lick them,
on jewel, past candy gums with haste.
Laugh. Show me your glistening coral gem.

Your tomorrows were the palest shade of dark

Your tomorrows were the palest shade of dark,
translucent film over many yesterdays;
mine, brilliant, and blindingly white, and stark.

Dauntingly concrete, taunting me to leave a mark,
my tomorrows threatened, blanked, and blazed.
Your tomorrows were the palest shade of dark.

Billowing, unbidden like a lark,
your tomorrows were always in a wispy haze;
mine, brilliant, and blindingly white, and stark.

Like a slender curl of smoke after a single spark
that quickly fades to black as it strays,
your tomorrows were the palest shade of dark.

But from our perpetual yesterdays I had to embark
on today, where on its cusp tomorrow stays,
mine, brilliant, and blindingly white, and stark.

I feared through the clock's sweeping arc.
Have you made it here to meet my gaze?
Your tomorrows were the palest shade of dark;
mine, brilliant, and blindingly white, and stark.

Serialized Shows

Currently Watching

• White Collar
• Franklin & Bash
• Suits
• Project Runway
• 黒子のバスケ / Kuroko no Basuke / "The Basketball which Kuroko Plays"

Waiting to Watch

• Elementary (Premier)
• Dexter (Season 7)
• Downton Abbey (Series 3)
• Sherlock (Series 3)

Americano

Table of Contents

1. 오늘의 첮잔, My Morning Coffee
2. 밤이면 더 생각나는 향긋한 Coffee
3. 뉘집 아드님이세요?
4. chapter 4: writing in progress...

15. 20120728: brass, race, fatigue, hot plate

Commanders inspected rooms with fervor in a race to get the barracks up to standard before the top brass arrived in pressed fatigues to inspire morale in a group of soldiers wherein the only loss of spirit was a result of their confiscated hot plates.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

14. 20120727: rumor, medicine, stars

Rumor spread like wildfire saying that you had let the devil possess you, and that's why you could never, and would never, come back. But I waited for you every night under the oak tree. I knew you'd come back to take your buried treasure: a lunch pail filled with decaying clippings from forbidden publications, a collection of snail shells and pebbles, an old medicine bottle filled with sand, and an indecent photograph of your mother wearing almost nothing, laughing.

And when you came to claim your treasure I could see that your dark eyes that had once sparkled like stars burned with hellfire.

Then you said, "I've seen it, John. The ocean. The water is so cool, and the sun is so bright. Did you know the sun is just another star, but closer? Imagine, John, all those stars, burning."

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

13. 20120726: dragon, word, toilet paper

Word on the street was that Mr. Li had called the cops on Ronny Hooser's party. So they, the young, the fearless, and the righteous, had silently gathered in his yard to TP his home.

As if, despite the muffled shuffles of their feet and the hushed tones of their words, the energy of their quiet concentration blared on an alternate level, Li stirred from his sleep to see toilet paper streaming across his bedroom window.

Thin paper, backlit by the soft exterior lights of his house, danced like a dragon ascending, rising up towards the heavens. So with awe Mr. Li witnessed the beauty of youth's fearsome vindictive spirit.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

12. 20120725: old man, hammer, forest

After Mom died it was just me and Pops, Mom's old man. She died when I was eight. I never knew my father. He knocked her up and died in the war before I was born. At least I had Pops.

The night after Mom's funeral I couldn't sleep. A lot of things kept me from sleeping, but there was only one thing that night that kept me awake.

From the woods behind our house I heard violent sounds of a beast unlike that I had ever heard before. Howling. Thrashing. Thumping. Crashing. Crying. It sounded like someone, or something, was being attacked. Dying.

Double Act

Cecil had just sat down to take his first bite of his spaghetti dinner when a knock at the door made him flinch. The neat coil of noodles around his fork dropped to his plate splashing a bit of sauce onto his shirt.

He hadn’t been expecting anyone.

11. 20120628: dice, lover

10. 20120625: dinner

"Will you join us for dinner?" they asked me from the table.

"I certainly hope not," I answered the roasted chicken and potatoes.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

9. 20120624: soap, dusk, bandit, ink, idiot, fish, danger, revenge

Bandits fish at dusk, when dark spreads like ink across a page and the moon sits in the sky like a thick round of soap, for idiots with no sense of danger and no taste for revenge.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

8. 20120623: carousel, fatigue, tartan, wheelchair, news, hand, scallop, door

All those years together I thought that you couldn't make my heart beat faster than you did when you kissed me on the carousel on our first date, my hair catching on the button of your hideous tartan jacket.

But then there was that accident.

7. 20120622: briefcase

6. 20120620: robot, aid

A sexdroid. I got her used, an older model that had not yet escaped the uncanny valley. Her female form is fleshier than the current trends advocate. Huge titties. Her coiffed platinum blonde hair and red-painted lips evoke a far bygone era.

It's not really to my tastes, but it was the best I could afford with the all the money I had left.

She came dressed in a five-piece naughty nurse outfit: crop top, micro mini, right shoe, left shoe, and cap. No bra. No panties.

5. 20120619: spar, sole

He liked hiking. Alone. It was about the only thing that kept him sane, grounded, and sociable in the meantime. Recently, it seemed she had become the sole reason he had to trek up that mountain.

So when she asked if she could join him the next time, all he said was "no." But his sparse reply put her in a sparring mood and sparked a venomous response, which he endured through gritted teeth.

At the end of it she packed her bags; he went hiking.

With her gone his steps were light. Overlooking the city from higher than he had ever been since before he had met her, he wondered when it was that she had become the sole reason he had to come down from that mountain.

He continued, still skyward, the veins of feldspar under the soles of his hiking boots sparkling like the tears that had run down her cheeks.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

4. 20120616: reform, increments, parliament, lift, doughnut

As a portly, aging member of parliament it would have served him well to be more concerned about the bill in his hand that proposed a reform of his salary increments. But inside the small space of the lift, away from eyes that criticized, he was just a man and his doughnut.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

3. 20120615: attack, nurse, ham, boxing, hinge

I had to go to the emergency room to get stitched up. I told the attractive nurse that it was from boxing. The black eye was from boxing, but black eyes don't need stitches.

The truth was I was attacked: taunting the cat near a cupboard door with broken hinges will draw blood.

My lie smelled like honey baked ham and kitty litter.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

2. 20120614: race

He began to pace the space of my office with an undecipherable look upon his face, idly fingering the lace curtains as he passed them. As he continued to retrace his footsteps in my space, to and fro from place to place, he nonchalantly began to tell of the events that brought him.

He calmly displaced the memories from his mind unleashing them into the space. Within the place in which we two were confined he continued to pace; and as graceful fingers traced the ledges of the bookcase, he told the story of the woman for which he had pined.

With lacking detail he narrated the tale of the woman he wooed, chased, and embraced, but the mood of the account turned quickly around when he did recount his use of force she could not surmount, with which she was disgraced and debased.

His story continued with more horror to be found.

1. 20120613: fur, high jump, coronation

Somehow it seemed appropriate for her to put on her fur stole to watch the coronation ceremony on the television. He looked a lot shorter on screen for a man of his stature and status. She stroked the pelt around her shoulders as she wondered if that rumor about him was true: an illicit love affair with a Ukrainian high jumper?

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

Farewell, House

It's been over a week now since the show House M.D. bid us all good bye with a final episode.

I tried writing this farewell post last week after watching the finale, but I couldn't get my words together. I guess when something is over, it's human nature to only want to think of it fondly, and  I wanted to write something meaningful: a eulogy of sorts, befitting the spirit of the finale. But no words came to mind, and I guess it just took a week's time to realize that to me this wasn't death but a breakup.

I've always joked that House and I were in a committed relationship for better or for worse, but I've known for a while I had lost my affection towards the show. Eight years is no short time to have spent knowing House. But honestly, I'm glad it's over.

Those eight years encompassed my last year of high school, the entirety of my undergraduate career, and these three years I've been out in the "real world." For me it felt right to be in with House during those years in college, but the show changed and I changed and the fit just wasn't right anymore.

I'm glad to have known the show when I did. I have many fond memories of it. I think it's time that I moved on to something different. In the spirit of looking forward, farewell, House.

At Twenty-Something

There is something about being twenty-something that makes life seem so substantially overwhelming. It's a restless spirit that's different from that of being a teenager. I always thought that being a teenager would be the ultimate stage of feeling stuck, but the older I get I feel that life is like slogging deeper and deeper purposefully into the mud in hopes of finding solid ground.

At least as a teenager I thought it was just a part of adolesence. It was a phase, a necessary transitional stage in life. I was going through puberty, and as horrific as that was I at least had the belief that whatever was on the other side was going to better. I thought at the end of puberty I would emerge as an adult. As a caterpillar metaphorphes into a butterfly, I thought I too would become this other person that would bear very little physical resemblance to what was. Unfortunately, it was just a misconception.

The First Day of Spring

As the weather gets warmer and everything outside begins to bud and grow so does my anxiety. I feel that tangled mess of emotions begin to coagulate in the pit of my stomach, which I know will only gets worse with the rising temperatures. And I know by high summer I'll feel like nothing is right, but the post-winter anxiety is the worst. There is nothing worse than the fear of the impending feelings of worthlessness, not even those feelings themselves. By the first day of spring it's official, I can't help but dread those coming summer days when I'll feel irritable, inadequate, and completely alone.

Dr. Chi Park

So House has been on it's seasonal holiday-time hiatus for over a month now, and it's been killing me on the inside. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore especially since the season of Dexter ended. Thankfully House will be returning with an all new episode next Monday, January 23rd.

At the beginning of the season I was somewhat intrigued and excited to see how Charlene Yi would do in portraying a character on House. I decided to hold off on writing about her because I watched the second episode of season 8 (the episode in which she premiered) and I wasn't really all that taken by her and her character. But I wanted to like her. So, I decided I wanted to at least watch episode 3 before proceeding. So far we're 8 episodes into the season, and I think at least for me the verdict is out. I like her.

Hello, 2012!

I'm not at all a holiday person, but I really do love New Year's, not the specific day or the celebration but the general sentiment of it. The changing of the year prompts us to reflect on the year gone by and consider the opportunities for growth in the new year.

This past year of 2011 was one of the most surprising years to date. A lot of things happened. For me it was a year of ends and beginnings. It was a year of a lot of firsts and a year of re-connections.

Looking back on it all I don't think I've had quite a year like this since 2005, a year that truly felt life-changing. Plus, I haven't felt more nostalgic since that 05-06 transition. Everything seemed to decline after that and culminated in 2009 with a fantastic year of depressive self-loathing.

Then things picked up again in 2010, which was a year about self-improvement and finding solace in routine. It was in part about starting to become a grown-up through my own free will. Then 2011 was about "conscious consumption" and "cultivated expression", actively choosing what to bring into my life and learning how to express myself about those things.

I feel like I spent the past two years learning about being an adult, and I want 2012 to be a beginning of a time where I am an adult. I want it to be about really getting things done. I guess this is a want to change my point of view, a want for a new outlook.

Specifically, in 2012 I hope to finish some of the things I've started in my last 24 years of life. I think that would be a nice change.

And as always I wish for peace, love, and prosperity in the new year.