an even shittier emo poem

at
night

elusive
visions
envelope
nothingness.

sometimes
i
think
that
i
envisioned
regret,

except
my
own,

pretending
others
even
mattered.

Hey, 2016.

I feel I've been completely unprepared for the onset of the new year this time around and consequently so unceremoniously welcomed 2016. But here it is. Hey, 2016.

2015 was a strange year. I want to write it off as uneventful, but that's not true. My romantic life was a dream, but my familial/home life wasn't so much. I'm not sure if it was pursuing my romantic life that strained the sibling relationship, or if it was in experiencing the dream that I realized the flaws in it. All in all, it wasn't pleasant. I had to change my point of view and recalibrate the dynamics of our relationship, and I feel we've reached an unstable equilibrium. It's good enough for now. In 2016 we'll strive for time and space apart. I think that'll do us good in the same way that it currently facilitates our relationship with our parents.

I know at the beginning of 2015 I wanted to work on maintaining my individuality while in a relationship, but I don't think I worked on that very much this past year. I was too wrapped up in keeping my shit together outside of my dream of a romantic relationship. In the process I did learn a lot of about myself and what I value. Creativity and individuality is still important to me, but they clearly do not take center stage like they used to. I think the spirit of my life has matured and I feel more comfortable and happy espousing harmony and caring. It is a shift perspective, and I think at the beginning of 2015 I was scared of letting go of the identity I had built for myself when I was single. I was right in believing 2015 was the year that I would question, "who am I now?" It's only now that I'm coming to terms with the definition of the person I want to be going forward in my life. It's still scary, but I think this is a big turning point. I'm never going to lose my wont for introspection, and I still want to consciously craft myself into a better a person.

I already have a feeling that 2016 will be a very eventful year for me. It'll be work to transition myself into a new stage of life, but I'm looking forward to it. I think I already have more vision in terms of the long term plan.

For 2016 I hope I do not lose sight of all the things it took to get me this far. I know I'll be focused on setting the groundwork for my envisioned future, but I don't want to forget everything I've already learned about myself.

In addition, as cliche as it is, I really need to get back on the workout train. I don't feel as fit and healthy as I have in my past and I want to rectify that. I do believe I will need physical fortitude to get through everything that I think 2016 will throw at me!

As usual, I wish for peace, love, prosperity, & heath in the new year. Happy New Year!

20150408: plane, quail, crisps

She flew over on a plane to enjoy how quail crisps in his oven.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.

Greetings, 2015!

I believe 2014 was the most fulfilling year yet. In 2014, things that I've dreamed of happening for as long as I can remember became a reality. I bought a house and moved out. I found myself in a wonderful relationship. It's all been too wonderful to properly recount in so many words.

In all honesty, I was was not very optimistic at the beginning of 2014. I just wasn't sure after so many false starts in 2013 that I would get anywhere soon. In response to feeling like I was being taken for a ride in 2013, I made the resolution to be assertive for the 2014 calendar year. As much as I thought I would have to battle people who would continue to push and pull me around, 2014 turned out to be my year. I never felt the need to be very assertive because when the right opportunity presented itself it wasn't difficult for me and everyone see that. It turns out most people do just want what's best for you, and it's difficult to argue against something that is clearly the right choice.

In response to the great successes in 2014, I'm very much at a loss on what to hope for and work on in 2015. I've usually never found this to be a problem, but 2014 was a very different kind of year for me. Perhaps, it is in that vein that I'll find my answer.

2014 was different in that I spend very little time alone. I found myself discovering who I was in the context of another, and in doing so I felt alienated from the self I had spent all my years prior cultivating, the creative, expressive individualist. I spent very little time creating for the sake of creation, and I felt disconnected from the individual in me that desired that sort of self-expression. All my energies were focused externally, and I guess at the end of the year I have little to show for myself in terms of those products of creative expression. It feels a little empty.

So in 2015 I seek balance. I want to know how to be a successful half of a relationship without losing my clear sense of self. I want to find what there is to express as an individual within the context of being a couple. I hope to find that by rediscovering and strengthening my sense of self I'll be able to add more value to my relationship. 2015 will be a year to question, "who am I now?"

Every year I wish for peace, love, & prosperity, and this year I add "health" to that list. May 2015 be filled with health, peace, love, & prosperity! Happy New Year!

Re: (no subject)

Likewise.

i still think of you from time to time
true story

Contentment

I lack the want to express because I have.

20140129: lodger, trumpet, toast, bar, submarine, survey

The lone lodger surveyed the empty bar and gave a toast, intent on submerging his mind in drink like a submarine in the ocean, hoping the hazy pressure would crush all memories of the strumpet.

To the list of other pieces inspired by random words.